If Edward Said

were my shrink

I wouldn’t need

a Levantine twink


De Gustibus Non Est


For John Wilkinson

I could never someone who knew the names of flowers

cooking from scratch woodworking

or other poisonous knowledge

because I couldn’t let them teach

or not teach me so I’d just

shove them onto a bed of roses

[the only flower I know

the name of because

even I know dandelions

aren’t really flowers] drown them

in rancid wine that they could still tell

was of good source and year

and cremate them [no

that’s too Nazi] bury them rather

in the heather whatever that is


Black Mirror


Like The Twilight Zone but with fewer episodes, higher production value, and exclusive focus on tech. The philosophical mind-benders could be perfect for the last day of high school English class before vacation, but the vanilla softcore sex would go over awkwardly with an audience that expects more.

A Sterling-style monologue intro was scrapped and replaced with faster branding targeted at the ravenous binger.

Kohelet: The Best of All Possible Lives Without Torah

Rambling, Torah

Imagine you and a lover are trying to save your relationship, which is in danger of ending due to apathy and wandering eyes. You recite love poetry, even the Song of Songs, to each other, but to little effect. The endless metaphors about the fullness of being together versus the emptiness of being apart ring hollow.

You love each other more than you love your relationship, so you start to ask a new question: What would be the best possible lives each of us could lead if we were to break up? You fill in the blanks with what to the best of your understanding is the best of everything.

The wisdom of Solomon is commonly understood by Christians as a tough but ultimately charitable account of human frailty. Though expressions of “all is vanity” can be found throughout Hellenistic and Indian thought, Ecclesiastes’ place in the Bible has made it the go-to book for Christians exploring this worldview.

As received by USA pop culture, “to everything there is a season,” “que sera, sera,” and “namaste” are all synonyms for “chill.” “All is Vanity” would make for a fine motto to slap on credit cards.

Learned as the Jewish Kohelet rather than read as the Christian and/or philosophical Ecclesiastes, the book presents the best of all possible lives without Torah: a life of ardent, earnest pursuit of knowledge and experience that culminates in a feeling of passive contentment.

Without Torah, human beings can make the world no better or worse than it ever has been or will be. There can be no assurance of life after death, either as an afterlife or a remembrance of one’s name and accomplishments. It’s foolish to expect too much of the tool-making featherless biped. “To everything there is a season…” refers to the variety of experiences one goes through amidst life’s ups and downs.

With Torah, every human action has eternal consequences. One’s possessions, family, and reputation may or may not endure, but the mitzvot one has performed, which contribute to the constant renewal of creation and revelation, are eternal. “To everything there is a season…” refers to the sanctification of time through mitzvot.

The lovers conclude that the best of everything apart would be nothing compared to an ordinary or even an unpleasant moment together. Thus has the relationship between YHVH and Israel endured millennia of apathy and wandering eyes.

And the old school version…

And the really really old school version (“To everything…” starts at 16:13 and ends at 18:02)

Who Are You, Polly Maggoo?


An excess of style (or is it anti-style?) overcooks the movie until it’s plenty gooey. The filmmakers put in an abundance, perhaps even an excess, of effort, but chose to engage only in the kind of work that doesn’t feel like work: the hours spent in an editing room with mutually congratulatory friends at play. Such efforts produce satire that doesn’t bite and comedy that doesn’t tickle.


Secular Stag Nation


In with the content. Out with the data. In with the content. Out with the data.

Now reverse.

In with the data. Out with the content. In with the data. Out with the content.

Like a magnet moving through a coil, you induce a current, a steady stream of revenue to us.

The devices we sell you on credit are the holiest objects you own.

We search your soul better than you ever could.